One liners ***

• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
• If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
• War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
• Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
• A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
• Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
• A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
• Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
• Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
• I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
• When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
• Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
• I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.
• A friend in need is a pest indeed.
• Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
• Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.
• When everything comes your way, you're probably in the wrong lane.
• The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train..
• Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
• Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
• Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
• If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
• The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
• It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
• The cigarette does the smoking, you are just the sucker.
• Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.