Dear Thelma

Dear Thelma:
I am a 50 year old housewife. I am an only daughter, and I come from a well to do family. I married my husband after a brief love affair, when I was 20. Initially my parents were against my marriage, and had planned an arranged marriage instead, but in the end, my wish prevailed. My husband works as a middle level Government servant, and earns a low pay. He is unable to support me adequately and we live from hand to mouth. My parents supported us when we bought our house, our car and in many many other ways. My husband readily accepts whatever financial help my parents offer. In fact I think he has come to rely quite heavily on my parents to satisfy most of our needs, and thanks to my parents, we lead a comfortable life. My husband gives no indication that he appreciates this at all.

Now a problem has come up. My husband is seeing a young girl. This girl is unscrupulous, and is going after my husband knowing full well that he is a married man. I have proof that they were going out together after work, and my husband often drops her at her home. He has also been visiting her in her home !

Of late this has grown serious, and my husband has been coming home late. He also behaves coldly towards me. I also suspect he is giving this girl money.

Last week my husband made a big fuss because I had gone to my parents place and spent the weekend there. Can’t I even visit my parents ? I am very sure the girl is pitting my husband against me. I am really depressed because not only is she trying to entice my husband, but on top of that she is trying to drive a wedge between us. Please help Thelma.

Victim

Dear Victim. I can empathize with the situation you are in. Young girls enticing married women is happening too often, and looks like your husband is falling for it. Your husband sounds like a parasite, living off your parents. I suggest you have a talk with your husband. Maybe you should bring your parents in as well, and sort it out once and for all. Be firm, and make it clear you will not tolerate any nonsense. If he refuses to change his ways, just file for separation. He is not worth it, and you will be better off without him. I am sure your parents will welcome you back in their place.


Thelma

Dear Thelma,

I have a problem which I would like to seek your advise. I am married for 30 years now. The problem is that my wife comes from a rich family, and she is used to a luxurious life. I work in the Government, and I cannot afford the sort of life she expects. Although she married me after a period of romancing, soon after that she began to regret doing so. She often went back to her parents’ home, and they too could see that their daughter was missing the good life. They began offering financial help to us. Initially I did not like the idea of accepting anything from them. But later I realized that these were important for my wife, so I relented. This has been going on over the years. My wife frequently visits her parents, and stays over for days at a time. Although I can understand that she is close to her parents , I think she is overdoing it. Recently I found out that she is close to one of her parents’ neighbours, a man in his forties. Whenever she goes to her parents home, she spends more time with this man than her parents. Last week I confronted and questioned her about this, and she flew into a rage.

I have an office colleague, a young girl who is caring for her aged mother who is bedridden. She is such a nice girl, and I see in her the daughter I never had. She lost her father when she was very young, and I think she considers me like her father. I often send her home, and spend some time talking to her sick mother. Recently my wife found out and made a big hoo ha about this. She thought I was having an affair ! The sad thing is that my wife does not know me after all these years.

I am at a loss how to handle this matter. Please advise me Thelma.

Honest Joe


Dear Honest Joe,

I really think your wife is a spoilt brat. You have been bending over backwards trying to make her life comfortable. Maybe its time you took a firm stand. And you need to put her parents in their place too. Call them over for a heart to heart talk. Make it clear your wife must live within your means, and cannot continue to depend on her parents.

Make it clear that she is a married woman, and her place is at your home. She should stop flirting with other men.

You should also tell her that the girl in the office is like your daughter, and there is nothing else to it. Good luck.

Thelma



Dear Thelma,
I am a single girl, in my early twenties. I work at a Government Office, and live with my sick bedridden mother. There is this nice man Kumar (not his real name) who works in my office, who has been so kind to me, dropping me back home after work, and also spending time with my mother.

I have been very impressed with Kumar , who is simple yet kind and loving.

I recently found out that Kumar is unhappily married. His wife has been giving him hell, and she has got her rich parents on her side, and together they have been belittling Kumar and making is life unbearable. She is also having an affair with another man.

Although Kumar is in his early fifties, I am really attracted to him. I believe he is the right husband for me. My mother told me this too. Kumar does not know my feelings, and neither has he looked at me as anything other that a young girl in need of some kindness.

How should I go about this Thelma ?

Lucky Girl


Dear Lucky Girl,
From what you say it looks like his Kumar's wife is a witch , and Kumar certainly does not deserve her. If he is willing to divorce his wife, then the age difference between the 2 of you is something that you need to consider, although this need not really be an obstacle. Do have a heart-to heart talk with Kumar. Good luck lucky girl.


Thelma